I just deleted an entire paragraph of blah! I have no creative juice in me, I have no energy to try and make something up and I am drinking away the to nothing. This is my life right now. Full of nothing! It is work, school, and some sleep. Even over summer I had work and school. That is my life and before you know it work is going to be school. Dont get me wrong, i am excited to be a teacher, but is that really all I am going to have in my life is school and work?
I long for so much more everyday but there nothing there to grab onto. This is going to be a short post to represent how much nothing-ness I have right now. There is NOTHING!!!!! just blank space in my mind doing nothing! BAHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
Parents
We all have a story of our parents. Whether they were in our lives or not , we all have some sort of idea what a parent is. Parents have been the focal point of many of my conversations lately, mine as well as other's parents. I am blessed to have two great parents who raised me to be an honorable, responsible young woman. It was a tough growing up, but those of us who didn't have a perfect childhood (that would be no one) can relate. We all take after our parents whether we like it or not. It is one of those things we cannot avoid.
Over the past few years of living out of my parents house, I notice more and more the little things I have picked up from each parent. I have a few of my mom's nervous habits and diagnostic tendencies and my father blunt humor and style of how I meet new people. Things start to come together a little more when you are on the outside. I see the things that drove me crazy now. It is like watching a play by play of a movie of my life every time I am around my parents. All the things that I hated when living at home are all still there, just now I can walk away from them and go to my house and be in a state of peace.... well for the most part. The idea that I would turn out to be like my mother of father haunts me. I don't want to be them. I don't need to have the habits or personalities they do. I am my own person.
I see others who are still under the curse of the parental power. They go home dreading the little things that go on in the normal home for them. A girl that is really close to me still lives at home. She hates every bit of it but cant move out (reasons unrelated to this topic). I watch her and her mother interact and they are exactly the same but they drive each other crazy! I almost made the mistake of telling her she is exactly like her mother but quickly stopped myself before I lost an eye or two. Neither of them see the source of their frustrations, which is the funniest thing to me on the out side. I would bet ten bucks, once she moves out, all of her stress and bickering and all of it will disappear. However, I don't see that happening anytime soon.
There are others ( such as my sister) who know how to feed into the developmental presses called perfection. I know no one out there is perfect but to parents, there is. The perfect is one who knows how to counter-act the personality of each parent in a way to save them from the burden of scolding. My sister has my mom's perfected. My mom needs protection and being taken care of and my sister is a care giver. My dad on the other hand, well lets just say when my sister starts caring a little too much, I think he feels threatened and they do not need to be in the same room when that happens. They fight for the power of the house.On my end, I just laughed because 90% of the time they would argue over nothing just to try and prove a point. I would jump in every once in a while to try and stir things up a bit. I learned fast though that it is not a good idea to say to either of them, "you do nothing around the house". Apparently, the was the wrong thing to say. I got roped into a tornado of word thrashing that I was no where ready for. I look back on it now and see the stupidity of it all. However, time and time again, every time we are all together someone has to seek out their territory. Nothing really does change I guess, you just get less of it when you no longer live at home. That is one of the greatest breaks of all.
Each of the little things we carry down from parent to offspring makes up the life we know. It creates diversity in the world. Some of it is good but many times, personalities just do not make great diversity. I have seen those who have similar personalities bump heads more than those who have different personalities. I might be one of those yin and yang things where people fit just right together, while those who are similar are more like oil and water. They just do not mix. One person has to be the one on top and there can only be one. That might be a horrible example but you get my point. (If you don't, go to the kitchen right now and pour a splash of water and splash of oil in to a cup and see what happens.)
We cannot escape our past and it will stick with us in our future. We can't expect our lives to be perfect and we cant look to our parents as every problem of our existence because we have power over our own bodies to make the difference we want to see in ourselves. We might pick up the habits of our parents but it means they just gave us enough of them to get through life, or at least part of it. Thank them for the good things you got from them and forgive them for everything else you don't agree with. They are your elders but you need to be yourself and someone else's elder one day, so don't let their hurt get the best of you.
Live Laugh Love~
Over the past few years of living out of my parents house, I notice more and more the little things I have picked up from each parent. I have a few of my mom's nervous habits and diagnostic tendencies and my father blunt humor and style of how I meet new people. Things start to come together a little more when you are on the outside. I see the things that drove me crazy now. It is like watching a play by play of a movie of my life every time I am around my parents. All the things that I hated when living at home are all still there, just now I can walk away from them and go to my house and be in a state of peace.... well for the most part. The idea that I would turn out to be like my mother of father haunts me. I don't want to be them. I don't need to have the habits or personalities they do. I am my own person.
I see others who are still under the curse of the parental power. They go home dreading the little things that go on in the normal home for them. A girl that is really close to me still lives at home. She hates every bit of it but cant move out (reasons unrelated to this topic). I watch her and her mother interact and they are exactly the same but they drive each other crazy! I almost made the mistake of telling her she is exactly like her mother but quickly stopped myself before I lost an eye or two. Neither of them see the source of their frustrations, which is the funniest thing to me on the out side. I would bet ten bucks, once she moves out, all of her stress and bickering and all of it will disappear. However, I don't see that happening anytime soon.
There are others ( such as my sister) who know how to feed into the developmental presses called perfection. I know no one out there is perfect but to parents, there is. The perfect is one who knows how to counter-act the personality of each parent in a way to save them from the burden of scolding. My sister has my mom's perfected. My mom needs protection and being taken care of and my sister is a care giver. My dad on the other hand, well lets just say when my sister starts caring a little too much, I think he feels threatened and they do not need to be in the same room when that happens. They fight for the power of the house.On my end, I just laughed because 90% of the time they would argue over nothing just to try and prove a point. I would jump in every once in a while to try and stir things up a bit. I learned fast though that it is not a good idea to say to either of them, "you do nothing around the house". Apparently, the was the wrong thing to say. I got roped into a tornado of word thrashing that I was no where ready for. I look back on it now and see the stupidity of it all. However, time and time again, every time we are all together someone has to seek out their territory. Nothing really does change I guess, you just get less of it when you no longer live at home. That is one of the greatest breaks of all.
Each of the little things we carry down from parent to offspring makes up the life we know. It creates diversity in the world. Some of it is good but many times, personalities just do not make great diversity. I have seen those who have similar personalities bump heads more than those who have different personalities. I might be one of those yin and yang things where people fit just right together, while those who are similar are more like oil and water. They just do not mix. One person has to be the one on top and there can only be one. That might be a horrible example but you get my point. (If you don't, go to the kitchen right now and pour a splash of water and splash of oil in to a cup and see what happens.)
We cannot escape our past and it will stick with us in our future. We can't expect our lives to be perfect and we cant look to our parents as every problem of our existence because we have power over our own bodies to make the difference we want to see in ourselves. We might pick up the habits of our parents but it means they just gave us enough of them to get through life, or at least part of it. Thank them for the good things you got from them and forgive them for everything else you don't agree with. They are your elders but you need to be yourself and someone else's elder one day, so don't let their hurt get the best of you.
Live Laugh Love~
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