A boy just told me I shouldnt have fallen for him because he didn't want to break my heart. He was so concerned about not wanted to break my heart that all I could do was laugh. I thought he might listened when we talked many times before but I guess he just didn't hear me. I have nothing left to break. I had to stop him on our walk and look him in the eyes and tell him to stop worry about breaking my heart because I have a wall there that not many people can really get through. He thought he got through that wall! Really?! yes I liked him but there are many other aspects of the relationship we had that did not give him the right to assume he could break through that layer. I am done with every thing they have to offer. They dont deserve any of it. any of me anything that I might have that they might think they want. They wont get any of it! twenty years of almost good enough is bull shit! I hear things like 'wow i cant believe you are still single.' 'you are a great person but I just cant.' or the best one thus far...'you are great and we have something amazing betweeen us, but I would rather date a girl i work with.' WHAT!!!!? really? I am done and over all of them! they are worth nothing and do no good for anything. They are all the same. Power hungry, pigs who dont know how to use the head on their shoulders for anything decent. It is all just a waste of space, time, money, energy and a life. there is no point. All they do is ruin lives! plain and simple!
A few days later-
So I decided to edit this blog and add an extra commentary as a reflection emotions and impluse feels that many of us tend to have. More than likely, in a situation of stress, anger, sorrow, ect. we tend to act on impulse feelings rather than taking the extra second to realize what we are about to get ourselves into. What I published above was just that. I had so much built up in me that I didnt take time to think about what I ws really writting. I am clearly not going to give up on love or men. They are an essensial to many great things in the world, like family and protection. There are times where I feel, yes, they are ass holes, but girls are also bitches too, so it all works out in the end. If we take time to put things into perspective, things would go a lot smoother and there would be less pain in the end. And this isn't just talking about love, it is all decisions in general.
I took the time last night to talk to this other that he is trying to get to know as well and realized that she is a pretty decent girl. I dont know her well enough to rant and rave but she seems like a nice girl. I dont blame him for being attracted to her because she does have a well rounded personality. I am happy if he is happy with his what he chose. I just needed an answer and the answer I got was not what I was hoping for, so it took be back. I am just happy and greatful now that someone finally gave me a straight up no, rather than trying to beat around the bush. It helps a lot to know where a person stands, and this boy and I are still very close. Nothing has really changed. It is an odd situation but it works for me some how. One of my best friends told me to never give up on him, and I dont know if i will. I will always be happy to be his friend. If it never get to be more than that, then that is just fine with me.
We should always learn something from someone and from him, I found a place in my heart that I know what I really want now. Our little discution opened my eyes to what I have been looking for and what is really out there that will make me truly happy. I found the fantacy and it didnt work out. Now it is time to move forward and find reality in true love and happiness. It may not be perfect along the way, but I will take the gifts given to me along the way. I have so much more in life I want to do for myself and with others. There is no need to dwell on the past, it cannot be changed. Look to the future because that is where the answers lie.
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