Lately, I have heard people talk about the people you need in your life. I have said many times before, the ones you need in your life are the ones who stick around and show you they need you in theirs. I know how cliche that sounds but it is the honest truth. Im sure we have all been hurt by the ones who leave. It is normal. It is safe to assume it hurt because you left a part of you with that person. Im not only refering to lovers but friends as well. In a life time, we all see friends come and go as we change throughout out lives. Its normal and happens to everyone. As mush as we dont like it, getting hurt from those who leave is the best ways to learn life lessons. Like people say, you never know what you have until it's gone. Look back at those in your life that it has hurt to lose. What did you learn from them? Did it change the way you now live your life? I had a great talk with a co-worker and mentor about my life and the hurt I have had. I know it is not as bad as some but for my life, it changes the way I see others. That is a lesson. During this talk, I brought up a recent boy I was with and how he just stopped talking to me. I brought up the point that it did not hurt that he left. I was numb. I was hurt but only because, I had left a part of me with him and it no longer hurt ti just let it go. I am so used to guys leaving that it did not hurt. Has life become a one man game? Are we all just here for one another's needs then leave? People are hear to teach us lessons. We may never know what purpose some people have in our lives until much later, or may never know. Or we might have been their lives to teach them a lesson. Never take the people in your life for granted.
For example, there has been a guy at work gossiping about me and my best friend and it is making us furious. I have started to have feelings of disgust towards him and being very bitter. If you know me, I am hardly ever a bitter person. I realized, he was the guy who practically got me the job. With this job, I met my best friend and someone else I can share my life story with and know she can relate. If I had never met that guy, I would be in a place of hate and misery. They have helped me through the past few months in ways they will never know or understand. I owe that guy my life at this point. I realized, he was in my life to help me find two saints and he doesnt even know it. He is about to leave the store, probably because he has nothing more to do there. He has helped all he was supposed to and his life journey is moving forwards.
I think people come and go from our lives at the exact right times. We may not think it but, fate has a way of making things work out in the end. The song of my choice right now is "Second Chance" by Shinedown. It talks about leaving the ones you love, can be the best things for you. It has personal meaning, not only because it is exactly what I did, but I have seen so many relationships mended by leaving. There have been parent-child relationships fixed, friendships change for the better, and love can be found.
I'm not saying when the going gets to leave. That defeats the purpose of growth. I want you to take from this: the ones you have, the ones you have lost, and the ones you have yet to change your life. Dont be affraid to get hurt. Taking chances can be the best things for you. No one ever got far in life waiting for the candle to light itself. You have to light the candle to see the beauty around you. Sometimes the flame will burn out but all you have to do is light it back up. You can see so much more with the light in your hand, than with none at all.
Let others know when they have blessed your life. They should know that they have done good in their life. It is a satisfaction that is indescribable. Everyone deserves to know why they were in your life.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
All Cards on the Table
The other day I got my tarot cards read and surprisingly, it hit close to home. You never exect any of that sort of stuff to affect you but it did. For one of the cards she told me that there was a male in my past that hurt me. I know that can go for almost any girl for any guy but the way she said things, it was different. I had a guy that I let myself get really close to last summer. It was the most fun I had ever had with someone in a long time. It was one of the best connections I had had with a guy in a long time, if not the first real connection. We could talk about things that we had never told anyone before. It wasnt just another guy, he ment something. That doesnt happen very often for me. But with the cards on the table, the summer of my dreams became a pit in my stomach and I almost lost it. He hurt me recently, and I still dont know how to deal with it all. We never had a title so its not like I could make him a chapter in my life, but he was the guy from that summer. The best summer ever. The teller said everything I didnt want to hear.. I have to move on... I dont know how. Its like that one person died, but not really. They are still alive and kicking in their own little world leaving you in the dust. Some times you have to wait for the dust to settle to get a clear view of what was really ment to be. I am still waiting for my dust to settle. The dust cloud is so big, I still feel him next to me at night when I sleep. Any time I have a guy hold me in his arms, I just want it to be him. We fit together like that perfect shoe you wish they had in every color and never goes out of style. I had dreams and he is that guy I was looking for.
One of the things she told me was I knew this person better than most did. I could see their true colors, well I could. He was hurt and tried so hard not to show it. He would just lay there and say things out of the blue that just seemed like they had been bottled in side for a long time. He would communicate through his songs. I could always tell what kind of mood he was in because of the lyrics to the songs. I would lyrics from him al the time. They would be playful or flirty, everyonce in a while they would be angry when he had a bad day at work. Even after I left to go back to school he would send lyrics about people leaving and wishing them to come back. we had it all, we had everything but time. Its gone now. We no longer have eachother. I was cut off. Just one day out of the wild blue younder, I got the call that cut me off. He was gone. It was all gone. There was nothing I could think to do. I have nothing to turn to, no one here was there. I dont think it has all really hit me. More and more I feel broken and lost. In 2 weeks it will be a year since the last time I saw hos face in person. My birthday. Thats the day I last saw him, great Birthday present, I was left. I didnt think that would be the last time I would ever see him, but it was. We kissed goodbye like we had been doing it for years, but it was perfect. The best kiss I have ever had was that night! Nothing has ever come close to that night. We fit perfect at that point.
Ever since that goodbye, nothing has been the same. No one can ever fill those shoes. The dream is gone. I try to make a new dream to make a new reality but it just goes back to the same one. Was I supposed to leave? I had thoughts of staying for him. We talked about trying to make it work. We wanted to be together. It is all gone!
I have gone through guys trying to find something even close, and when I do, just as its getting to be good, they leave. Its all gone once again. I have a theory that life has a sick way of repeating the big events in your life. This was big and it just needs to dissapear. I need to get out of the trance and get a new life a new path with out any of the hurt.
I have great people around me right now that make me want to wake up in the morning. Friends are an essencial to life itself. But they cant fill that dream of love. You can love them and know every little thing about them but they cant fill that little void of love in your heart. I want my dreams to stop fucking up my happy times in life. I get happy and my dreams come through and fuck it all up. Not just a little blup, but a big fuck up! It hurts to want to be loved, it hurts to fall. I dont want to end up at the bottom face down again. Its not a place for anyone to be. No one deserves that.
As I lay all my cards on the table, The past comes to life. It really all happened. What's next? What do i do now? I guess there is only one thing left to do anymore... let go. I have to move forward and know that next time I lay my cards, they wont just got into another deck. they will be the perfect hand for someone. Our cards will line up and that will be the end of it. I will be happy. plain and simple... Happy!
One of the things she told me was I knew this person better than most did. I could see their true colors, well I could. He was hurt and tried so hard not to show it. He would just lay there and say things out of the blue that just seemed like they had been bottled in side for a long time. He would communicate through his songs. I could always tell what kind of mood he was in because of the lyrics to the songs. I would lyrics from him al the time. They would be playful or flirty, everyonce in a while they would be angry when he had a bad day at work. Even after I left to go back to school he would send lyrics about people leaving and wishing them to come back. we had it all, we had everything but time. Its gone now. We no longer have eachother. I was cut off. Just one day out of the wild blue younder, I got the call that cut me off. He was gone. It was all gone. There was nothing I could think to do. I have nothing to turn to, no one here was there. I dont think it has all really hit me. More and more I feel broken and lost. In 2 weeks it will be a year since the last time I saw hos face in person. My birthday. Thats the day I last saw him, great Birthday present, I was left. I didnt think that would be the last time I would ever see him, but it was. We kissed goodbye like we had been doing it for years, but it was perfect. The best kiss I have ever had was that night! Nothing has ever come close to that night. We fit perfect at that point.
Ever since that goodbye, nothing has been the same. No one can ever fill those shoes. The dream is gone. I try to make a new dream to make a new reality but it just goes back to the same one. Was I supposed to leave? I had thoughts of staying for him. We talked about trying to make it work. We wanted to be together. It is all gone!
I have gone through guys trying to find something even close, and when I do, just as its getting to be good, they leave. Its all gone once again. I have a theory that life has a sick way of repeating the big events in your life. This was big and it just needs to dissapear. I need to get out of the trance and get a new life a new path with out any of the hurt.
I have great people around me right now that make me want to wake up in the morning. Friends are an essencial to life itself. But they cant fill that dream of love. You can love them and know every little thing about them but they cant fill that little void of love in your heart. I want my dreams to stop fucking up my happy times in life. I get happy and my dreams come through and fuck it all up. Not just a little blup, but a big fuck up! It hurts to want to be loved, it hurts to fall. I dont want to end up at the bottom face down again. Its not a place for anyone to be. No one deserves that.
As I lay all my cards on the table, The past comes to life. It really all happened. What's next? What do i do now? I guess there is only one thing left to do anymore... let go. I have to move forward and know that next time I lay my cards, they wont just got into another deck. they will be the perfect hand for someone. Our cards will line up and that will be the end of it. I will be happy. plain and simple... Happy!
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