I always say to never regret any thing you do. I am about to be a hypocrite. Two years ago, I was a freshman in college and just wanted to be free. I did the college thing and just had fun, flirted and took no time to see some of the best things I had in front of me. There is one person I regret the most not noticing. I am not going to mention a name because its not the name that counts but the extreme regret that I have every time I think about him. I just saw him and felt that I needed to step aside and write to you all and hope you never make the mistake that I did.
When I first got to the doors, he was one of two people that moved in early like myself. He was wearing a red baseball hat, blur t-shirt and jeans. It is nothing special but I remembre going to introduce myself and just being taken back by him. I dont know why it did not stick that year. Off and on I would want to spend every second with him and other times I could not stand to think that I liked him. He was a great guy and I could not bear to hurt him. I dont ever have luck with guys and I knew if i let us go anywhere I would hurt him. Well, either way, I hurt him. He told me that. That was one of the hardest things for me to ever hear. My heart dropped and I couldnt think of anythignto say and he walked away. I should have said something. Anything. Im sorry would be better then just standing there. Towards the end of the year we started to split ways and not talk. It was something comfortable at the time my chest hurts now to even think of how much of an idiot I was.
Last year, I saw him and we decided to try and hang out. We saw each other a few times and in this short time, I had the best kiss of my life. I was over a year of emotions built up into a few minutes. I will never forget the kiss. It is a simple act but when done right, it is beyond powerful. After that we both got busy and split ways again. I was left with more than the last time but now I have even more regret built up within that everytime is see him I just feel like crying. I want to fall at his feet and beg for his forgiveness but would be taken as a fool. I could just talk to him again but I have tried, but have not had much result. I dont know what to do, but he has a piece of me that I dont know how to get back. Not love but a connection within myself that connects me to him that I cannot turn off and give to someone else. I regret everything that I never let myself accept. I regret not opening my eyes to something beautiful. I could have had what I have been looking for my entire life and still am now that I let it go.
I want you all to give it a chance. If you have any chance at all, even if you dont think it will work out, just take it. It could be a dream come true. If you let that person walk away you could have let your dreams walk away too. To all the girls that read- Dont be affraid of getting hurt. It hurts more to know that you could be happy and let that happiness walk away then to have something great then lose it. To the guys that read this- dont give up on us. We neve kow what we want till its gone. Its a complicated system but trust me, if it is ment to be it will happen in due time. I might not end up with my prince charming but I just wish I gave him a chance. His the one who makes me a hypocrite but I am learning: you never know what is ment to be until you give it a chance.....
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