“You cut up a thing that's alive and beautiful to find out how it's alive and why it's beautiful, and before you know it, it's neither of those things, and you're standing there with blood on your face and tears in your sight and only the terrible ache of guilt to show for it.”
Clive Barker quotes
Guilt is the center of all things gone wrong. You do something you know you shouldn't have, and a feeling falls upon you just in time to know what you have already done was not the right thing to do and could have been avoided. To those who feel no guilt are liars. They hide behind an excuse of excitement and deception of their own feelings. I am sure you are all thinking of something now that you have done and really wish you shouldn't have.
There was one time in elementary school when I decided to kick a boy in his"not so nice to kick" areas just to see what would happen. I am sitting here laughing at it now because there is nothing I can do to change it but I remember standing in the hall talking to the Principal and the boy being investigated for some act I committed. I was guilty and in the wrong. I fessed up to it and was sent back into the class with no harm done to me and I now longer feel guilty. Now that was innocent childhood guilt. There are other forms of guilt that can drive people to their death. Some have committed such acts but are so far beyond social moral that guilt is not a part of their emotional complex. There is nothing left for guilt to eat away at; nothing left to cause their stomach to churn as they think about what they have done. I give my sympathy to such people not because they can't feel but because they never had a chance to feel humanity working at its best. We feel things to keep us human and slightly humble. If we all felt nothing, the world would be a dark cold place. We need emotions like guilt to keep us alive and moving. It reminds us all of what it means to be imperfections in a world where we believe ourselves to be the absolute characters.
Let guilt get to you. It teaches you the difference between what I should have done and what I could have avoided. Most of the time, those who say they don't feel guilty for doing the wrong is because they are trying to prove something. But if you have to avoid guilt to make a point then the point must not be very high worth. There is always another road to follow. Some times you have to manage through an unbeaten path to avoid obstacles but there is ALWAYS another road to take. Guilt is usually at the end of the easy path, so make a path of your own and set new grounds, better grounds, for those to follow after you.
I talk about guilt today because I am guilty of sins. I have done myself wrong and I put myself in that path. No one else. I lost my strength to build a different road and now suffer from the easy way out. Yet, I feel no pain. I used to, but not anymore. The feeling of guilt is gone because I have shield myself from the outcome of emotions I used to feel. It is like sitting in a scolding hot bath. Your initial reaction is to get out as soon as you can because it hurts you. But if every time you take a bath that hot, or hotter, you get used to pain and it is no longer scalding, its just water, but now you just can't feel the pain you should.
Guilt is need to keep you human. Guilt is feeling. Next time it talks to you, really listen to it. Don't just write it off as another feeling. It is there to tell you something so listen, before you get in so deep that it burns away what you have left, but cant feel it disappearing. My point of this blog is not solely for guilt but emotion and humanity. I can no longer see humility in people because they are so guarded by their own emotions and are scared to feel what they really need to feel. There are things that hurt physically and things that hurt emotionally. Feel the hurt of emotion. Wouldn't be able to feel that hurt if it didn't mean something. Take it from someone who has lost an emotion. It hurts to know that I should be feeling low and disgraced right now but I cant feel it anymore. The scolding hot water is burning away at me and I cant feel a thing. It is Ugly! Don't let yourself get to that point. Its worth the pain to start.
Reading your blogs, it reminds me of a certain emotion that is being drawn up from depths within me. It is an emotion of fear, sadness, and confusion resulting from another emotion. I have felt for a few years a missing piece of myself, which once gave me so much strength. This piece/emotion is sympathy. I only recently had identified sympathy was this empty space by my mom saying to me "It's ok to show sympathy." It was like a smack in the face and one that quickly hit home because your mother knows their children the best. I have over the years through training, work, and heart breaks; have developed a wall that blocked the presence of sympathy in my life. I can recall many times throughout the past couple of years having no sympathy but have found myself crying at the smallest things for no reason. The wall is overflowing and cannot break. I wish I could destroy this wall that surrounds sympathy and have that emotion back.
ReplyDeleteI feel Sympathy is a hard emotion to bring back into ones emotional spectrum. It requires you let down your own feelings and ceate a sort of empathic connection with one that you try to symathize with. The wall is something we have all put up for something we don't want to feel and once that wall is built, like you said, it is one of the hardest things to break down. It is a guard you put into place to protect yourslef from the unknown. I don't know the initial cause of why block sympathy but I do see it a lot. It is not weak to sympathise with other, and in some cases it shows you that you are not alone out there. Not everyone will have the same reasons to sympathise but there is a bond formed through this act. I feel like numerous people have lost the understanding of the strength of human connection.
ReplyDeleteI can understand crying over the little things and having no idea why. Sometimes you just need to let it out. It feels so much better. I have found that I used to cry was because I held back emotions at the time that they truly needed to be expressed.
Thank you for reading my Blogs. I apprecciate it and the fact that you can reflect on some part of them warms my heart. That, for you, is a form of sympathy. I hope you continue to read them and I hope I can help in other ways. <3 A-Lillie