Have you looked in the mirror today? Chances are you have. What did you see in the mirror? Yourself I would assume, but what else? Anything? Was it just you? Was really you?
When we look in the mirror, we hardly ever take the time, if any, to look at the person who looks back at us. We can see what it is on the outside that everyone else can see, but rarely look past that. Next time you look in the mirror, I want you to take the time to look past the reflection, and go deep into the eyes, heart, and soul. Find out who is it that you see everyday looking back at you. You be thinking this is ridiculous, I already know who I am. But do we really have a clue to who we really are until our life is over? Things in life change everyday. Whether it is a new job, meeting new people, etc. Look at how you got to where you are today. Why do you do the things you do? Were you influenced by others to act the way you do, the way you look, or even the way you talk? We all pick up habits from others if we see it or not. You can look at a close group of friends and see similar character tendencies between each of them. They tend to talk the same, wear the same clothes, and enjoy the same things. But have we ever thought of how we get to that point. We didn't always talk in slang, wear that style or listen to similar music. We all change. This is why we need to take the time to look in the mirror. DO not just look at the reflection but go deeper. Look at your hair, your clothes. What does that all mean to you. Go beyond that now and understand what makes you tick. Do you put on the clothes you do because of others or your own personal pleasure. What is it that makes you keeping going from day to. Why can you walk down the street everyday and be you (if you are even being you). Yes, it is possible to live everyday and not be yourself. We have all put on some sort of front at a point in our lives. Some people live everyday for others and some don't even know how to live the day for themselves. It is OK to be selfish every once in a while and take you time. The time you get to be you and only you. You do nothing for any one's pleasure, it doesn't matter how you look or even talk. Just be yourself. You should do something you love. Something that will make you wake up the next morning and be grateful that you are blessed with a new day. Take time to find out who you really are and why you can call yourself "me".
I was talking to my roommate recently and we discussed life. Our main point of the conversation was about how girls seemed reliant to find the man of their dreams today. The group of girls I am referring to are young college aged women who have their who life ahead of them still. Why are they set on finding that perfect guy now? Is who we are determined by who we have at our side? I hear all the time "why is he with her?" sort of remarks. Does it really matter why he is with her? A lot of times I hear it in context of jealousy, which makes perfect sense, but I also hear it from people sitting around a table when we are out to dinner about someone across the room. What makes the human mind so quick to judge? We are all guilty of it. Vanity emphasised in the media, fashion, personalities of the girls scripted on TV. It is everywhere. We are bred to be vain. It is the American way of life and the world can see it, but that does not bother us.
The image of "self" has been demolished through modern ideals and imperfections. Who are you really. GO, find yourself. you are inside somewhere and don't be afraid of who you are are what people think of the real you. There will always be someone there to be your mirror. Just don't let what others want you to be, to become your reflection. The world gets boring when everyone conforms. Be the one that is different, be you.
There are at least two kinds of cowards. One kind always lives with himself, afraid to face the world. The other kind lives with the world, afraid to face himself. ~Roscoe Snowden
Friday, September 11, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
A little something I like to call impulse anger...
A boy just told me I shouldnt have fallen for him because he didn't want to break my heart. He was so concerned about not wanted to break my heart that all I could do was laugh. I thought he might listened when we talked many times before but I guess he just didn't hear me. I have nothing left to break. I had to stop him on our walk and look him in the eyes and tell him to stop worry about breaking my heart because I have a wall there that not many people can really get through. He thought he got through that wall! Really?! yes I liked him but there are many other aspects of the relationship we had that did not give him the right to assume he could break through that layer. I am done with every thing they have to offer. They dont deserve any of it. any of me anything that I might have that they might think they want. They wont get any of it! twenty years of almost good enough is bull shit! I hear things like 'wow i cant believe you are still single.' 'you are a great person but I just cant.' or the best one thus far...'you are great and we have something amazing betweeen us, but I would rather date a girl i work with.' WHAT!!!!? really? I am done and over all of them! they are worth nothing and do no good for anything. They are all the same. Power hungry, pigs who dont know how to use the head on their shoulders for anything decent. It is all just a waste of space, time, money, energy and a life. there is no point. All they do is ruin lives! plain and simple!
A few days later-
So I decided to edit this blog and add an extra commentary as a reflection emotions and impluse feels that many of us tend to have. More than likely, in a situation of stress, anger, sorrow, ect. we tend to act on impulse feelings rather than taking the extra second to realize what we are about to get ourselves into. What I published above was just that. I had so much built up in me that I didnt take time to think about what I ws really writting. I am clearly not going to give up on love or men. They are an essensial to many great things in the world, like family and protection. There are times where I feel, yes, they are ass holes, but girls are also bitches too, so it all works out in the end. If we take time to put things into perspective, things would go a lot smoother and there would be less pain in the end. And this isn't just talking about love, it is all decisions in general.
I took the time last night to talk to this other that he is trying to get to know as well and realized that she is a pretty decent girl. I dont know her well enough to rant and rave but she seems like a nice girl. I dont blame him for being attracted to her because she does have a well rounded personality. I am happy if he is happy with his what he chose. I just needed an answer and the answer I got was not what I was hoping for, so it took be back. I am just happy and greatful now that someone finally gave me a straight up no, rather than trying to beat around the bush. It helps a lot to know where a person stands, and this boy and I are still very close. Nothing has really changed. It is an odd situation but it works for me some how. One of my best friends told me to never give up on him, and I dont know if i will. I will always be happy to be his friend. If it never get to be more than that, then that is just fine with me.
We should always learn something from someone and from him, I found a place in my heart that I know what I really want now. Our little discution opened my eyes to what I have been looking for and what is really out there that will make me truly happy. I found the fantacy and it didnt work out. Now it is time to move forward and find reality in true love and happiness. It may not be perfect along the way, but I will take the gifts given to me along the way. I have so much more in life I want to do for myself and with others. There is no need to dwell on the past, it cannot be changed. Look to the future because that is where the answers lie.
A few days later-
So I decided to edit this blog and add an extra commentary as a reflection emotions and impluse feels that many of us tend to have. More than likely, in a situation of stress, anger, sorrow, ect. we tend to act on impulse feelings rather than taking the extra second to realize what we are about to get ourselves into. What I published above was just that. I had so much built up in me that I didnt take time to think about what I ws really writting. I am clearly not going to give up on love or men. They are an essensial to many great things in the world, like family and protection. There are times where I feel, yes, they are ass holes, but girls are also bitches too, so it all works out in the end. If we take time to put things into perspective, things would go a lot smoother and there would be less pain in the end. And this isn't just talking about love, it is all decisions in general.
I took the time last night to talk to this other that he is trying to get to know as well and realized that she is a pretty decent girl. I dont know her well enough to rant and rave but she seems like a nice girl. I dont blame him for being attracted to her because she does have a well rounded personality. I am happy if he is happy with his what he chose. I just needed an answer and the answer I got was not what I was hoping for, so it took be back. I am just happy and greatful now that someone finally gave me a straight up no, rather than trying to beat around the bush. It helps a lot to know where a person stands, and this boy and I are still very close. Nothing has really changed. It is an odd situation but it works for me some how. One of my best friends told me to never give up on him, and I dont know if i will. I will always be happy to be his friend. If it never get to be more than that, then that is just fine with me.
We should always learn something from someone and from him, I found a place in my heart that I know what I really want now. Our little discution opened my eyes to what I have been looking for and what is really out there that will make me truly happy. I found the fantacy and it didnt work out. Now it is time to move forward and find reality in true love and happiness. It may not be perfect along the way, but I will take the gifts given to me along the way. I have so much more in life I want to do for myself and with others. There is no need to dwell on the past, it cannot be changed. Look to the future because that is where the answers lie.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
I just deleted an entire paragraph of blah! I have no creative juice in me, I have no energy to try and make something up and I am drinking away the to nothing. This is my life right now. Full of nothing! It is work, school, and some sleep. Even over summer I had work and school. That is my life and before you know it work is going to be school. Dont get me wrong, i am excited to be a teacher, but is that really all I am going to have in my life is school and work?
I long for so much more everyday but there nothing there to grab onto. This is going to be a short post to represent how much nothing-ness I have right now. There is NOTHING!!!!! just blank space in my mind doing nothing! BAHHHHHH!!!!!!!
I long for so much more everyday but there nothing there to grab onto. This is going to be a short post to represent how much nothing-ness I have right now. There is NOTHING!!!!! just blank space in my mind doing nothing! BAHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Friday, August 14, 2009
Parents
We all have a story of our parents. Whether they were in our lives or not , we all have some sort of idea what a parent is. Parents have been the focal point of many of my conversations lately, mine as well as other's parents. I am blessed to have two great parents who raised me to be an honorable, responsible young woman. It was a tough growing up, but those of us who didn't have a perfect childhood (that would be no one) can relate. We all take after our parents whether we like it or not. It is one of those things we cannot avoid.
Over the past few years of living out of my parents house, I notice more and more the little things I have picked up from each parent. I have a few of my mom's nervous habits and diagnostic tendencies and my father blunt humor and style of how I meet new people. Things start to come together a little more when you are on the outside. I see the things that drove me crazy now. It is like watching a play by play of a movie of my life every time I am around my parents. All the things that I hated when living at home are all still there, just now I can walk away from them and go to my house and be in a state of peace.... well for the most part. The idea that I would turn out to be like my mother of father haunts me. I don't want to be them. I don't need to have the habits or personalities they do. I am my own person.
I see others who are still under the curse of the parental power. They go home dreading the little things that go on in the normal home for them. A girl that is really close to me still lives at home. She hates every bit of it but cant move out (reasons unrelated to this topic). I watch her and her mother interact and they are exactly the same but they drive each other crazy! I almost made the mistake of telling her she is exactly like her mother but quickly stopped myself before I lost an eye or two. Neither of them see the source of their frustrations, which is the funniest thing to me on the out side. I would bet ten bucks, once she moves out, all of her stress and bickering and all of it will disappear. However, I don't see that happening anytime soon.
There are others ( such as my sister) who know how to feed into the developmental presses called perfection. I know no one out there is perfect but to parents, there is. The perfect is one who knows how to counter-act the personality of each parent in a way to save them from the burden of scolding. My sister has my mom's perfected. My mom needs protection and being taken care of and my sister is a care giver. My dad on the other hand, well lets just say when my sister starts caring a little too much, I think he feels threatened and they do not need to be in the same room when that happens. They fight for the power of the house.On my end, I just laughed because 90% of the time they would argue over nothing just to try and prove a point. I would jump in every once in a while to try and stir things up a bit. I learned fast though that it is not a good idea to say to either of them, "you do nothing around the house". Apparently, the was the wrong thing to say. I got roped into a tornado of word thrashing that I was no where ready for. I look back on it now and see the stupidity of it all. However, time and time again, every time we are all together someone has to seek out their territory. Nothing really does change I guess, you just get less of it when you no longer live at home. That is one of the greatest breaks of all.
Each of the little things we carry down from parent to offspring makes up the life we know. It creates diversity in the world. Some of it is good but many times, personalities just do not make great diversity. I have seen those who have similar personalities bump heads more than those who have different personalities. I might be one of those yin and yang things where people fit just right together, while those who are similar are more like oil and water. They just do not mix. One person has to be the one on top and there can only be one. That might be a horrible example but you get my point. (If you don't, go to the kitchen right now and pour a splash of water and splash of oil in to a cup and see what happens.)
We cannot escape our past and it will stick with us in our future. We can't expect our lives to be perfect and we cant look to our parents as every problem of our existence because we have power over our own bodies to make the difference we want to see in ourselves. We might pick up the habits of our parents but it means they just gave us enough of them to get through life, or at least part of it. Thank them for the good things you got from them and forgive them for everything else you don't agree with. They are your elders but you need to be yourself and someone else's elder one day, so don't let their hurt get the best of you.
Live Laugh Love~
Over the past few years of living out of my parents house, I notice more and more the little things I have picked up from each parent. I have a few of my mom's nervous habits and diagnostic tendencies and my father blunt humor and style of how I meet new people. Things start to come together a little more when you are on the outside. I see the things that drove me crazy now. It is like watching a play by play of a movie of my life every time I am around my parents. All the things that I hated when living at home are all still there, just now I can walk away from them and go to my house and be in a state of peace.... well for the most part. The idea that I would turn out to be like my mother of father haunts me. I don't want to be them. I don't need to have the habits or personalities they do. I am my own person.
I see others who are still under the curse of the parental power. They go home dreading the little things that go on in the normal home for them. A girl that is really close to me still lives at home. She hates every bit of it but cant move out (reasons unrelated to this topic). I watch her and her mother interact and they are exactly the same but they drive each other crazy! I almost made the mistake of telling her she is exactly like her mother but quickly stopped myself before I lost an eye or two. Neither of them see the source of their frustrations, which is the funniest thing to me on the out side. I would bet ten bucks, once she moves out, all of her stress and bickering and all of it will disappear. However, I don't see that happening anytime soon.
There are others ( such as my sister) who know how to feed into the developmental presses called perfection. I know no one out there is perfect but to parents, there is. The perfect is one who knows how to counter-act the personality of each parent in a way to save them from the burden of scolding. My sister has my mom's perfected. My mom needs protection and being taken care of and my sister is a care giver. My dad on the other hand, well lets just say when my sister starts caring a little too much, I think he feels threatened and they do not need to be in the same room when that happens. They fight for the power of the house.On my end, I just laughed because 90% of the time they would argue over nothing just to try and prove a point. I would jump in every once in a while to try and stir things up a bit. I learned fast though that it is not a good idea to say to either of them, "you do nothing around the house". Apparently, the was the wrong thing to say. I got roped into a tornado of word thrashing that I was no where ready for. I look back on it now and see the stupidity of it all. However, time and time again, every time we are all together someone has to seek out their territory. Nothing really does change I guess, you just get less of it when you no longer live at home. That is one of the greatest breaks of all.
Each of the little things we carry down from parent to offspring makes up the life we know. It creates diversity in the world. Some of it is good but many times, personalities just do not make great diversity. I have seen those who have similar personalities bump heads more than those who have different personalities. I might be one of those yin and yang things where people fit just right together, while those who are similar are more like oil and water. They just do not mix. One person has to be the one on top and there can only be one. That might be a horrible example but you get my point. (If you don't, go to the kitchen right now and pour a splash of water and splash of oil in to a cup and see what happens.)
We cannot escape our past and it will stick with us in our future. We can't expect our lives to be perfect and we cant look to our parents as every problem of our existence because we have power over our own bodies to make the difference we want to see in ourselves. We might pick up the habits of our parents but it means they just gave us enough of them to get through life, or at least part of it. Thank them for the good things you got from them and forgive them for everything else you don't agree with. They are your elders but you need to be yourself and someone else's elder one day, so don't let their hurt get the best of you.
Live Laugh Love~
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
The ones who come and go...
Lately, I have heard people talk about the people you need in your life. I have said many times before, the ones you need in your life are the ones who stick around and show you they need you in theirs. I know how cliche that sounds but it is the honest truth. Im sure we have all been hurt by the ones who leave. It is normal. It is safe to assume it hurt because you left a part of you with that person. Im not only refering to lovers but friends as well. In a life time, we all see friends come and go as we change throughout out lives. Its normal and happens to everyone. As mush as we dont like it, getting hurt from those who leave is the best ways to learn life lessons. Like people say, you never know what you have until it's gone. Look back at those in your life that it has hurt to lose. What did you learn from them? Did it change the way you now live your life? I had a great talk with a co-worker and mentor about my life and the hurt I have had. I know it is not as bad as some but for my life, it changes the way I see others. That is a lesson. During this talk, I brought up a recent boy I was with and how he just stopped talking to me. I brought up the point that it did not hurt that he left. I was numb. I was hurt but only because, I had left a part of me with him and it no longer hurt ti just let it go. I am so used to guys leaving that it did not hurt. Has life become a one man game? Are we all just here for one another's needs then leave? People are hear to teach us lessons. We may never know what purpose some people have in our lives until much later, or may never know. Or we might have been their lives to teach them a lesson. Never take the people in your life for granted.
For example, there has been a guy at work gossiping about me and my best friend and it is making us furious. I have started to have feelings of disgust towards him and being very bitter. If you know me, I am hardly ever a bitter person. I realized, he was the guy who practically got me the job. With this job, I met my best friend and someone else I can share my life story with and know she can relate. If I had never met that guy, I would be in a place of hate and misery. They have helped me through the past few months in ways they will never know or understand. I owe that guy my life at this point. I realized, he was in my life to help me find two saints and he doesnt even know it. He is about to leave the store, probably because he has nothing more to do there. He has helped all he was supposed to and his life journey is moving forwards.
I think people come and go from our lives at the exact right times. We may not think it but, fate has a way of making things work out in the end. The song of my choice right now is "Second Chance" by Shinedown. It talks about leaving the ones you love, can be the best things for you. It has personal meaning, not only because it is exactly what I did, but I have seen so many relationships mended by leaving. There have been parent-child relationships fixed, friendships change for the better, and love can be found.
I'm not saying when the going gets to leave. That defeats the purpose of growth. I want you to take from this: the ones you have, the ones you have lost, and the ones you have yet to change your life. Dont be affraid to get hurt. Taking chances can be the best things for you. No one ever got far in life waiting for the candle to light itself. You have to light the candle to see the beauty around you. Sometimes the flame will burn out but all you have to do is light it back up. You can see so much more with the light in your hand, than with none at all.
Let others know when they have blessed your life. They should know that they have done good in their life. It is a satisfaction that is indescribable. Everyone deserves to know why they were in your life.
For example, there has been a guy at work gossiping about me and my best friend and it is making us furious. I have started to have feelings of disgust towards him and being very bitter. If you know me, I am hardly ever a bitter person. I realized, he was the guy who practically got me the job. With this job, I met my best friend and someone else I can share my life story with and know she can relate. If I had never met that guy, I would be in a place of hate and misery. They have helped me through the past few months in ways they will never know or understand. I owe that guy my life at this point. I realized, he was in my life to help me find two saints and he doesnt even know it. He is about to leave the store, probably because he has nothing more to do there. He has helped all he was supposed to and his life journey is moving forwards.
I think people come and go from our lives at the exact right times. We may not think it but, fate has a way of making things work out in the end. The song of my choice right now is "Second Chance" by Shinedown. It talks about leaving the ones you love, can be the best things for you. It has personal meaning, not only because it is exactly what I did, but I have seen so many relationships mended by leaving. There have been parent-child relationships fixed, friendships change for the better, and love can be found.
I'm not saying when the going gets to leave. That defeats the purpose of growth. I want you to take from this: the ones you have, the ones you have lost, and the ones you have yet to change your life. Dont be affraid to get hurt. Taking chances can be the best things for you. No one ever got far in life waiting for the candle to light itself. You have to light the candle to see the beauty around you. Sometimes the flame will burn out but all you have to do is light it back up. You can see so much more with the light in your hand, than with none at all.
Let others know when they have blessed your life. They should know that they have done good in their life. It is a satisfaction that is indescribable. Everyone deserves to know why they were in your life.
Monday, July 6, 2009
All Cards on the Table
The other day I got my tarot cards read and surprisingly, it hit close to home. You never exect any of that sort of stuff to affect you but it did. For one of the cards she told me that there was a male in my past that hurt me. I know that can go for almost any girl for any guy but the way she said things, it was different. I had a guy that I let myself get really close to last summer. It was the most fun I had ever had with someone in a long time. It was one of the best connections I had had with a guy in a long time, if not the first real connection. We could talk about things that we had never told anyone before. It wasnt just another guy, he ment something. That doesnt happen very often for me. But with the cards on the table, the summer of my dreams became a pit in my stomach and I almost lost it. He hurt me recently, and I still dont know how to deal with it all. We never had a title so its not like I could make him a chapter in my life, but he was the guy from that summer. The best summer ever. The teller said everything I didnt want to hear.. I have to move on... I dont know how. Its like that one person died, but not really. They are still alive and kicking in their own little world leaving you in the dust. Some times you have to wait for the dust to settle to get a clear view of what was really ment to be. I am still waiting for my dust to settle. The dust cloud is so big, I still feel him next to me at night when I sleep. Any time I have a guy hold me in his arms, I just want it to be him. We fit together like that perfect shoe you wish they had in every color and never goes out of style. I had dreams and he is that guy I was looking for.
One of the things she told me was I knew this person better than most did. I could see their true colors, well I could. He was hurt and tried so hard not to show it. He would just lay there and say things out of the blue that just seemed like they had been bottled in side for a long time. He would communicate through his songs. I could always tell what kind of mood he was in because of the lyrics to the songs. I would lyrics from him al the time. They would be playful or flirty, everyonce in a while they would be angry when he had a bad day at work. Even after I left to go back to school he would send lyrics about people leaving and wishing them to come back. we had it all, we had everything but time. Its gone now. We no longer have eachother. I was cut off. Just one day out of the wild blue younder, I got the call that cut me off. He was gone. It was all gone. There was nothing I could think to do. I have nothing to turn to, no one here was there. I dont think it has all really hit me. More and more I feel broken and lost. In 2 weeks it will be a year since the last time I saw hos face in person. My birthday. Thats the day I last saw him, great Birthday present, I was left. I didnt think that would be the last time I would ever see him, but it was. We kissed goodbye like we had been doing it for years, but it was perfect. The best kiss I have ever had was that night! Nothing has ever come close to that night. We fit perfect at that point.
Ever since that goodbye, nothing has been the same. No one can ever fill those shoes. The dream is gone. I try to make a new dream to make a new reality but it just goes back to the same one. Was I supposed to leave? I had thoughts of staying for him. We talked about trying to make it work. We wanted to be together. It is all gone!
I have gone through guys trying to find something even close, and when I do, just as its getting to be good, they leave. Its all gone once again. I have a theory that life has a sick way of repeating the big events in your life. This was big and it just needs to dissapear. I need to get out of the trance and get a new life a new path with out any of the hurt.
I have great people around me right now that make me want to wake up in the morning. Friends are an essencial to life itself. But they cant fill that dream of love. You can love them and know every little thing about them but they cant fill that little void of love in your heart. I want my dreams to stop fucking up my happy times in life. I get happy and my dreams come through and fuck it all up. Not just a little blup, but a big fuck up! It hurts to want to be loved, it hurts to fall. I dont want to end up at the bottom face down again. Its not a place for anyone to be. No one deserves that.
As I lay all my cards on the table, The past comes to life. It really all happened. What's next? What do i do now? I guess there is only one thing left to do anymore... let go. I have to move forward and know that next time I lay my cards, they wont just got into another deck. they will be the perfect hand for someone. Our cards will line up and that will be the end of it. I will be happy. plain and simple... Happy!
One of the things she told me was I knew this person better than most did. I could see their true colors, well I could. He was hurt and tried so hard not to show it. He would just lay there and say things out of the blue that just seemed like they had been bottled in side for a long time. He would communicate through his songs. I could always tell what kind of mood he was in because of the lyrics to the songs. I would lyrics from him al the time. They would be playful or flirty, everyonce in a while they would be angry when he had a bad day at work. Even after I left to go back to school he would send lyrics about people leaving and wishing them to come back. we had it all, we had everything but time. Its gone now. We no longer have eachother. I was cut off. Just one day out of the wild blue younder, I got the call that cut me off. He was gone. It was all gone. There was nothing I could think to do. I have nothing to turn to, no one here was there. I dont think it has all really hit me. More and more I feel broken and lost. In 2 weeks it will be a year since the last time I saw hos face in person. My birthday. Thats the day I last saw him, great Birthday present, I was left. I didnt think that would be the last time I would ever see him, but it was. We kissed goodbye like we had been doing it for years, but it was perfect. The best kiss I have ever had was that night! Nothing has ever come close to that night. We fit perfect at that point.
Ever since that goodbye, nothing has been the same. No one can ever fill those shoes. The dream is gone. I try to make a new dream to make a new reality but it just goes back to the same one. Was I supposed to leave? I had thoughts of staying for him. We talked about trying to make it work. We wanted to be together. It is all gone!
I have gone through guys trying to find something even close, and when I do, just as its getting to be good, they leave. Its all gone once again. I have a theory that life has a sick way of repeating the big events in your life. This was big and it just needs to dissapear. I need to get out of the trance and get a new life a new path with out any of the hurt.
I have great people around me right now that make me want to wake up in the morning. Friends are an essencial to life itself. But they cant fill that dream of love. You can love them and know every little thing about them but they cant fill that little void of love in your heart. I want my dreams to stop fucking up my happy times in life. I get happy and my dreams come through and fuck it all up. Not just a little blup, but a big fuck up! It hurts to want to be loved, it hurts to fall. I dont want to end up at the bottom face down again. Its not a place for anyone to be. No one deserves that.
As I lay all my cards on the table, The past comes to life. It really all happened. What's next? What do i do now? I guess there is only one thing left to do anymore... let go. I have to move forward and know that next time I lay my cards, they wont just got into another deck. they will be the perfect hand for someone. Our cards will line up and that will be the end of it. I will be happy. plain and simple... Happy!
Friday, June 12, 2009
regrets and risks...
Life is full of risks and regrets. There is nothing any of us can do about it either. We have to take risks to get anywhere and life and we regret many choices we make along the way. Many good opportunities arise in life but most people miss out on them because they are too afraid to take the risk. There is too much of a chance to fail when taking risks. You can just off a cliff and hope your parachute works, but there is always that 1% chance that yours is the one that doesnt open, so why put yourself in any danger. Just walk away and all is fine, right? That is a question I cannot answer but regret can. Will you look back 10 years from now and think, 'I should have jumped'? how much could a simple leap change your life? Every leap changes your life path. each turn in the road will lead you to something different based on each choice made.
Have you ever risked you life for someone else's?
What risk did you take today? Do you regret it?
I ask myself these questions often. I used to live in a box. I didn't want to put myself out on the line and end up getting hurt. I still got hurt anyways. The first risk I took, broke my heart. It was a boy, I jumped for him and right before I thought I was going to land, he cut my strings and left me to fall face down. I had no idea I could hurt like that. I still feel the pain after years have past. I stopped taking risks after that. Especially, not jumping because of a boy. I was broken and torn. I lived everyday pulling myself back from a disaster. I had no one there and I regret not reaching. But at that point my "friends" still didn't care how much I hurt inside. As I learn from my very first jump, I regret blaming him for all my pain. I should have seen it coming. There were so many signs that flashed at me, telling me I was going to get hurt. I can see those signs now. I leap off a short cliff everyonce in a while to see what new tricks are out there. sometimes, you get pushed off the cliff with nothing to hold you back. But mid-fall, everyonce in awhile, someone is there to fall with you. It tends to make the crash a little more enjoyable. You can look up together and laugh at those who push you over the edge.
Life has a funny way of hidding the beauty of strength and risk. At the fork in the road, you can go right or left. To the right, there is a path covered with shrubs and rocks. To the left, there is a clear path with a smooth terrain. Most people would take the left path. Would you agree? What if you were told, at the end of the path on the right there was a pot of gold and your true love. And, at the of the left path, there is still a smooth path, flat lands ending in an average field. which path would you take then? Would you brave the dark woods and rocks slopes, or would you play it safe and follow an easy path? After finding out what the end prize is, it might be obvious what a lot of people would choose. So, why do we not take the risk in the first place. Do we always have to have to answer inorder to jump?
We see movies of superheroes fighting villans. There are movies a young woman trying to prove herslef in society. Men, defeating a whole army. Why are we not like that in real life? We too can be our own heroes, we just dont have the guts to risk it. everyone has dreams and asperations, but only a few are actually achieved. Clearly, winning the lotto is not something that happens often, but for the sake of this topic, it is not something one can control themselves. I am talking about peoples dreams to become something or someone. There are means to reach your goals and sometimes you just have to fight for them.
Today, I was talking to one of my friends who is trying to figure out what she wants to be. At first it was a teacher. recently, she has been talking about becoming a nurse. When we were talkign about it at work today, another worker and myself were telling her how competative each program is. After some disscusion, she seemed to pull herself away from those. I sucks to see people bring themselves down when they know they have to reach a requirement. It is a readable goal, but they do not have mental will to leap and try to land. She has been pushed off the cliff many times now. It just hurts to see how much she has fallen alone. I am trying to help her build up the strength to climb back up the mountain and let her jump on her own and show her, it is possible to land on your own two feet.
Risks and regrets happen everyday. You risk your life getting in a car or walk across the street. They are so habitual that you dont even realize the risk. But there is that one person that gets hit or runs off the side of the road, that changes someone else's life now. So why do we take those risks, but not the others. A car can kill you. Love can hurt but it won't end your life. Maybe thats the answer. You can't die from love. If it breaks us, we still have to go on. We are forced to fight through the pain. Same with rejection. We have to live with the feeling of not being wanted. It hurts so bad sometimes that you just want to die but you cant. you have to live with it everyday, hoping it will just go away. Hopeing you never have to feel that way agian. You have great memories but it makes you sick to think about how good it felt. Nothing is ever the same after being push. It a deathly pain that never goes away. Its life.
Never give up though. Tomorrow you could me the person who is supposed to make everything better. Tomorrow is a new day that brings new life. It is one more day past the pain. One less day with out the one who hurt you and one more day with the ones you love. Life is unpredicatable so dont think you ever have anything completely figured out, because once you figure it out the answers will change. only time can tell you what lies at the end of the path. It is your choice; The path to the right or the one to the left. Just remeber, nothing is ever the way it seems.
Have you ever risked you life for someone else's?
What risk did you take today? Do you regret it?
I ask myself these questions often. I used to live in a box. I didn't want to put myself out on the line and end up getting hurt. I still got hurt anyways. The first risk I took, broke my heart. It was a boy, I jumped for him and right before I thought I was going to land, he cut my strings and left me to fall face down. I had no idea I could hurt like that. I still feel the pain after years have past. I stopped taking risks after that. Especially, not jumping because of a boy. I was broken and torn. I lived everyday pulling myself back from a disaster. I had no one there and I regret not reaching. But at that point my "friends" still didn't care how much I hurt inside. As I learn from my very first jump, I regret blaming him for all my pain. I should have seen it coming. There were so many signs that flashed at me, telling me I was going to get hurt. I can see those signs now. I leap off a short cliff everyonce in a while to see what new tricks are out there. sometimes, you get pushed off the cliff with nothing to hold you back. But mid-fall, everyonce in awhile, someone is there to fall with you. It tends to make the crash a little more enjoyable. You can look up together and laugh at those who push you over the edge.
Life has a funny way of hidding the beauty of strength and risk. At the fork in the road, you can go right or left. To the right, there is a path covered with shrubs and rocks. To the left, there is a clear path with a smooth terrain. Most people would take the left path. Would you agree? What if you were told, at the end of the path on the right there was a pot of gold and your true love. And, at the of the left path, there is still a smooth path, flat lands ending in an average field. which path would you take then? Would you brave the dark woods and rocks slopes, or would you play it safe and follow an easy path? After finding out what the end prize is, it might be obvious what a lot of people would choose. So, why do we not take the risk in the first place. Do we always have to have to answer inorder to jump?
We see movies of superheroes fighting villans. There are movies a young woman trying to prove herslef in society. Men, defeating a whole army. Why are we not like that in real life? We too can be our own heroes, we just dont have the guts to risk it. everyone has dreams and asperations, but only a few are actually achieved. Clearly, winning the lotto is not something that happens often, but for the sake of this topic, it is not something one can control themselves. I am talking about peoples dreams to become something or someone. There are means to reach your goals and sometimes you just have to fight for them.
Today, I was talking to one of my friends who is trying to figure out what she wants to be. At first it was a teacher. recently, she has been talking about becoming a nurse. When we were talkign about it at work today, another worker and myself were telling her how competative each program is. After some disscusion, she seemed to pull herself away from those. I sucks to see people bring themselves down when they know they have to reach a requirement. It is a readable goal, but they do not have mental will to leap and try to land. She has been pushed off the cliff many times now. It just hurts to see how much she has fallen alone. I am trying to help her build up the strength to climb back up the mountain and let her jump on her own and show her, it is possible to land on your own two feet.
Risks and regrets happen everyday. You risk your life getting in a car or walk across the street. They are so habitual that you dont even realize the risk. But there is that one person that gets hit or runs off the side of the road, that changes someone else's life now. So why do we take those risks, but not the others. A car can kill you. Love can hurt but it won't end your life. Maybe thats the answer. You can't die from love. If it breaks us, we still have to go on. We are forced to fight through the pain. Same with rejection. We have to live with the feeling of not being wanted. It hurts so bad sometimes that you just want to die but you cant. you have to live with it everyday, hoping it will just go away. Hopeing you never have to feel that way agian. You have great memories but it makes you sick to think about how good it felt. Nothing is ever the same after being push. It a deathly pain that never goes away. Its life.
Never give up though. Tomorrow you could me the person who is supposed to make everything better. Tomorrow is a new day that brings new life. It is one more day past the pain. One less day with out the one who hurt you and one more day with the ones you love. Life is unpredicatable so dont think you ever have anything completely figured out, because once you figure it out the answers will change. only time can tell you what lies at the end of the path. It is your choice; The path to the right or the one to the left. Just remeber, nothing is ever the way it seems.
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